Legal separation versus divorce. Recently in from our askus/tellus section featured a question about dealing with feelings during a divorce.
A Reader's Question
Hi I am 41 years old, 7 months pregnant, married 8 1/2 years. So many stressful events happened throughout those years…my depression, his father’s early death, my surgeries, one of his teen sons moved in, large dog, etc.
I have retained a lawyer, want to keep my house, no source of income and I haven’t really held a job in over three (3) years. Feeling like I won’t be a good enough mother to my unborn son. Some days are good, others too bad to mention.
Any friendly advice besides you’ll be fine or you and the baby will be fine? Thanx Diane
And Angela Answers
I have lots of advice and one part of it is with a new focus and as much time as you need, you and your baby will be fine – you will. However, I do understand where you are coming from in your statement, any friendly advice besides you’ll be fine.
Sometimes when there is so much going on and we just don’t think we can make it, one thing that we don’t want to hear is that things happen for a reason, etc. So forgive all of us who may say positive things to you when you are not ready.
Some people hold feelings in, while others let them out. I advise you to never hold your feelings inside. Acknowledge what you are feeling by getting your feelings out on paper or out loud.
If you are feeling weepy – cry! If you are feeling happy – laugh! And if you are feeling angry, don’t allow those feelings to fester any longer like you have done for probably most of those 8 years!
At the end when you receive your final divorce papers, there actually will be a rainbow.
What that rainbow will mean is to not rush into a new relationship out of spite or out of a fear of being alone. Get to know YOU again. Maybe you have wanted to re-enter the workforce or re-train for a different career or business profession.
Sure you become one when you marry, but that does not mean you have to give up everything although compromising is part of every relationship and family.
That’s why every individual who enters a relationship should keep part of his or her individual identity. Do couple time, family time and solo time!
This seems to be the word from most who gets that unexpected and even expected divorce notice, “I gave up everything.” Starting over is the most frightening part of a divorce and what causes so many couples to stay in unhealthy relationships.
But ask yourself these questions and then maybe eventually you will be able to regain a sense of peace and calm about your life after the divorce or legal separation.
Was your relationship in those 8 1/2 years mostly good or mostly bad? Has the relationship changed you for the better or for the worse? Did you become a better person during the relationship – meaning did that person help your spirits soar in every way or did it bring your spirits down?
Whether you are in the beginning or in the middle of your divorce, refer to the Divorce Guide. This divorce guide will walk you through every step of the legal process of ending your marriage. From what you should be doing before meeting with a lawyer to the signing of final divorce papers. With this guide book, you will get everything you need to get ready including worksheets to help you obtain adequate financial support, discover how the marital assets and debts should be divided and even discusses child custody issues.